Do you ever feel the need to make people happy? When you know someone who is sad or just not in a good mood, you will do something to help them ease the pain somehow. It’s not like they asked you to or your responsibility but it’s natural for you to offer yourself to other people even though they can’t do the same. Have you ever been in this situation? The need to do good things to other people just because you don’t want to disappoint people by disagreeing with them. I wish you stop doing that, I am not saying that you should not be kind but people-pleasing is different from being kind.
Teyhou Smyth Ph.D., LMFT of Psychology Today, defines people-pleasing as “The underlying urge to make others happy and to be positively regarded is quite natural. We are social beings and part of that unspoken contract is paying attention to others’ needs and feelings. Those who fall into the trap of people-pleasing tend to dive too deeply into the spirit of being in tune with others’ needs. Somewhere along the way, people pleasers decide that everyone else’s needs are more pressing than their own. They put themselves on the back burner in their own lives, and then end up feeling resentful, dissatisfied, and depressed.” If you are a people pleaser it must be hard for you to say ‘no’, you put other people’s needs and happiness first before yourself, consciously or unconsciously it drains you out that’s why I hope that you’re able to get out in that situation.
Are you getting what I wanted to say? Because I’ve been there, for the past years it became necessary for me to do something for people so that they will value me. It’s like I have to prove something for them to validate me, if I don’t, it feels like I failed as a friend. I always have this feeling that I need to give something to other people or agree with them even though sometimes it’s against my will, it’s just that I care about them more than my own. I don’t want to be a disappointment in their eyes and those things became a routine, I do things with people without expecting anything in return but just to appreciate me but sometimes doing those things makes me realize that I am not me anymore. I always have to please them even though each day I get emptier, being taken for granted just because you care about them so much than yourself ends up making you feel miserable. If you have been in this situation wherein you always please people around you, you need to stop before the time came when you no longer know yourself.
I am not saying that you should stop giving to people or start being selfish, what I am trying to say is that you should not always put other people’s wants and needs just for them to accept you or value you. You are not responsible for anyone or everyone’s happiness, it is not your obligation to be always for them because you have your own life too. You don’t always need their approval because no matter how kind you are to them, you cannot control how they think about you and how they treat you. Give your all to those people who are deserving, those who do not take you for granted and care about your mental state. Stop pleasing people, you cannot control them, it will just drain you out. You will just lose yourself in the process of trying to please others, you can always give but do not let it consume you and do not let them took and advantage of you. Never forget that putting yourself first is not being selfish, it’s better to be alone than to please people you cannot control.
Tags: stop pleasing people, tips to stop people-pleasing, benefits of not pleasing people, putting yourself first, living for yourself, mental health, self-care, lifethinkler
Author: Kristine Andrea Manaloto
